User Rating: 7,5 of 10 stars; Country: USA; Abstract: Daniel is new in town, and is getting picked on by the local bullies, who all are adept in karate. Determined to stick up for himself, Daniel begins to teach himself karate, only to discover that the caretaker at his apartment seems to be a grand master in karate. Agreeing to teach Daniel, Mr. Miyagi shows Daniel that there is more to karate than violence, and perhaps the best way to solve the problem he has with the bullies is in the All Valley Karate Championship; Rating: 163120 Votes; casts: Pat Morita, Elisabeth Shue; runtime: 2 Hours 6 minute

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ALL MY REVIEWS CONTAIN SPOILERS. EVERY ONE OF THEM.
Am I the only one who looks at good vs. evil films with a moderate point of view? Am I the only one who perfectly understands why Johnny and the Kobra-Kai's hate Daniel so much? People tend to watch television and accept whomever the writers tell you is the hero. But they never look at it from the antagonist's point of view. To put it simply, Daniel should just mind his own business. There are about 4 or 5 million girls his age in Los Angeles, why does he pick the one who is dating a black belt named Johnny, who also happens to be the leader of an awesome karate clique called the Kobra-Kais?
In the beginning, Daniel moves to LA via Newark, NJ, a town ten times worse than happy, sunny Cali. How he grew up there and ended up a punk I'll never understand. When he moves to LA, he meets an equally punkish kid named Freddy. Daniel brags to Freddy that he knows karate and how he can handle himself. Mistake number one. Everybody knows that lies eventually catch up to you, so when Daniel gets his ass kicked on the beach (just hours later) I felt no sympathy for him. He falls for this girl named Ali and when her man comes to talk to her, Daniel butts his head in where it doesn't belong. Mistake number two. Any man knows you never jump in between a lover's spat. Women never fully get over their ex's, that's why when the cops come, they never press charges. Freddy never hangs with him ever again, but can you blame him? Not only is he a complete embarrassment, he's a liar. Again, no sympathy for Daniel.
Daniel doesn't learn his lesson. He hits on Ali some more, this time at school. Johnny, understandably is p* sed. So when he sees Daniel in his karate dojo, he takes it upon himself to round up his boys and push Daniel off a steep hill. What was Daniel doing out there on a lonely deserted road anyway? Even if he didn't have a flock of crazed ninjas after him, that's simply stupid anyway. After he fell down the hill, he got what he deserved, and I'll bet any money he'll think twice before riding his Schwinn where no people hang out.
The maintenance man of Daniel's building is a thousand year old Japanese man named Mr. Miyagi. When Daniel first meets him, he sees Miyagi at home trying to catch a fly with chopsticks. This alone should have let Daniel know the man was obviously nuts. But Daniel is nuts himself, so the two become best buddies. There is even a scene later in the film where Daniel himself catches a fly with chopsticks. I can dismiss human physics and except Hollywood disbelief for this scene. But what I can't accept is a fly that flies around in one spot.
Daniel goes to a Halloween party and makes the dumbest decision I've ever seen in a movie. To impress a girl, the same one who Johnny is after, mind you) Daniel decides to set up Johnny by putting a garden hose in the bathroom stall over his head. Mistake number three. Not only is Daniel adding fuel to the fire between them, but he ruins the joint Johnny was rolling; a mistake that cannot be forgiven. Johnny is soaking wet and looks like a fool. Can anyone BLAME him for being p* sed? I totally understand the ass whuppin' him and his buddies lay on Daniel. But Mr. Miyagi comes and saves the day, and beats up all the kids. Miyagi is a trained karate master, this act is not done in self defense, and all the kids are minors. Why Miyagi isn't in jail for the duration of the movie, I'll never understand.
Daniel goes to the Kobra-Kai dojo and like a true punk, brings his new bodyguard Miyagi with him. He pleads with Kreese, the dojo's master to have his boys leave him alone until an upcoming karate tournament. Miyagi then agrees to teach Daniel karate, but instead turns him into his own personal mail order bride, and Daniel cleans up Miyagi's house for the next 2 weeks. Daniel then learns some karate, gets Johnny's girl, and ends up in the tournament at the end of the movie. Now let me get this straight... I can learn a lifetime of karate from a feeble old man in about 6 weeks? Now there's reality.
Needless to say, in traditional Hollywood cliché fashion, Daniel's tournament ends with him directly facing off with his nemesis, Johnny. Daniel of course wins, gets the trophy, gets the girl then even gets the friendship of Johnny. Then all the nerds watching the movie stand and cheer. Gimme a break. Who could even swallow this crap? I can accept far fetched movies like Superman before movies like these. This movie is totally fake.
If this movie was real, after Miyagi was bailed out of jail, he would have trained Daniel the best he could, failed miserably because of the short time span, Daniel would have been eliminated in the first round, Johnny would have made it to the end of the tournament with some other kid who can truly fight, Johnny would have won, and Ali would have been so turned on by her ex man, she would have jumped into his arms kissing him frantically. Johnny then would have taken her home, banged her one last time, then dumped her for being so shallow. Meanwhile, Daniel would have gone back to Miyagi's house, donned a full maid outfit and once he turned 18, the two would have run off to Vegas and got married in one of those drive thru marriage places. Now that would be a truly good movie.
Zero stars out of 5.

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